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Adrift in the River of God- Part Two |
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After my first summer at Morningstar I enrolled in their ministry school. As Joyner was quick to point out, it was not a Bible school per se. The emphasis was on prophesy, dreams, visions, and the supernatural. We were being trained for the coming harvest and what Joyner referred to as the coming civil war in the church. He was quick to tell us that we represented the blues. Like the ocean and the sky, blue stood for revelation and expanse, spiritual enlightenment, and openness of spirit. We were special, a new breed. We were Joel’s army who would go forth victoriously to build the kingdom of heaven on earth.
The grays were spoken of with disdain and derision. Gray represented the brain and those who lived in their minds without regard to the higher life of the spirit. The grays were the legalists, the old wineskins, those seeking to trap and keep God in a box. They were painted as the staunch, stuffed and sterile church that had long since faded into antiquity and outlived their usefulness. It seems to me, looking back, that anyone that opposed Joyner and his teachings was considered a gray and not open to the “moving of the spirit.” The grays, Joyner was quick to tell us would be overcome and destroyed in the fight for the “true” church to evolve to the next level. Of course, in his estimation, the grays would not go quietly into that good night so it might be necessary for us to assist God in finishing up the job. Let me put that in plain English. We would help God kill them. Looking back, it should have all too been clear to me but it wasn’t.
The atmosphere at MorningStar was more like a crack house than a church with stupefied trance-like zombies bouncing to the pulsating music; not caring what was being fed to them. It felt good- it made us high and anesthetized us to the pain of anything unpleasant. In this world, we were special, separated, called. There was no sin discussed here, only visions of the glorious “lands” we would take for Christ.
The prophesies we received were always positive and we were instructed to only prophesy positive things over others. As part of the prophetic team we did not even ask if one was saved before prophesying over them. Indeed, it did not matter, for this was what came to be known as “prophetic evangelism.” We were encouraged to prophesy over strangers in the street and market-place and many did. It amounted to fortune telling and the accuracy was often chilling. Often I would shock myself as I would accurately tell things to strangers that I had no earthy way of knowing. However, even back then, there were things that bothered me about the constant emphasis on the prophetic. It started with an incident that happened while working the prophetic booth for a conference in Charlotte. A young lady came in and sat before us in the booth. There were usually three of us to a booth who would prophesy in turn. One of the three would always be a team leader. In this case my team leader was an instructor at School of Ministry. While we were prophesying over her I saw something ominous. I knew that we were to speak positive and encouraging things and I started to wrestle over what I should do. I felt responsible to warn her of what I had seen and pray with her. She left and the instructor turned to me and said, “What is it?” I told him what I had seen and he nodded his head saying, “Yes, that is correct, I saw the same thing.” I pleaded with him saying “We have to tell her and pray with her- this is not right!” He responded that we were to only to speak positive and encouraging words. I reasoned with him that it would be a positive word if we saved her from harm, but he would not be moved. I reluctantly obeyed, but in my mind a curtain had been pulled back and I began to question. Did I have a gift? Was this gift truly from God? If this gift was from God, was this the way He wanted me to use it? What if the gift was not from God? What if I had been engaging in soul reading or fortune telling? I believed in the gifts of the Spirit but something suddenly felt very wrong.
The people in the church, and the throngs of people who streamed into the conferences depended on prophesy. They gushed and cooed over it and it was the topic of almost every conversation. If it would have been possible to stand silent in the crowd and listen, the words “Rick said” would have been sprinkled into almost every conversation. We did not read and study to show ourselves approved but depended on the extra-biblical revelations and prognostications of others we deemed as more spiritual. The same people were in the prophetic booths week after week after week and most of their lives, including mine, were shipwrecked beyond repair. I felt like a pod; like everything of substance had been suctioned out of me and I was left a lifeless shell with hollow eyes. I could feel myself staring out from the emptiness. I needed the next fix; the next prophesy or trance producing worship session to feel something-anything. It became obscene to listen to them prophesy that I would stand before Kings and conquer nations, when my life had spiraled into such abject ruin and despair. Had I missed God? Had I done something to displease Him? Why had He forsaken me? I was not quite ready to make the connections yet between my poor spiritual health and my steady diet of false doctrine and fluff. After all, I had such an “intimate” relationship with God surely he would tell me or send someone to prophesy over me if I was on the right path. Wouldn’t He?
Intimacy seemed to be the buzzword at Morningstar. Holiness and standards were not preached. We left that to the grays. Intimacy was all we enlightened blues needed and we were encouraged to pursue it with passion. One would hope that such an “intimate” relationship with God would tend to make us better people. After all, hanging around with “greatness” in the natural world tends to produce greatness. We rise or fall to the level of our associations. Would we not expect to see this all the more so in the supernatural realm? If we do in fact rise or fall to the level of our associations, then what would we expect to see from those who “hang out” with God? It is ironic that the very people who had the deepest “intimacy” with God were the ones whose lives were so out of control. They could “touch the heavens” and “bring down God” but they could not balance a check-book or keep a job.
Morningstar was in fact, rife with those who either would not work, or could not keep a job. Although there were exceptions, most people lived in self-induced poverty. Many would claim that God had told them not to get a job and to live in faith. Many simply were waiting for “their ministry” to materialize. Visions of grandeur had been prophesied over them so many times that lowering themselves to packing groceries or being someone’s secretary seemed beneath them. They had bought the lie. Everyone had a shingle out so to speak, advertising their ministry for any who would listen. Some had primitive business cards, while others presented a more professional front and started websites. I ran across one of these sites recently and saw a woman I recognized offering to prophesy over people for a “donation.” It brought a rush of sadness.
There were a few who had arrived at MorningStar in good financial shape but it never lasted. I watched one woman blow her savings of over a hundred thousand dollars flying from conference to conference buying books and tapes. She refused to work insisting that God had told her not to. She went through her money in short order and was left penniless. Refusing to admit her folly she slid into depression demanding to know why God had allowed this to happen to her.
I knew another lady who was on the “healing” team. Her refusal to work resulted in homelessness. She slept in her car and lived off the kindness of strangers. She showered at the house of a friend of mine who eventually took her in. However, my friend was raising three children on her own and could not afford another mouth to feed. Evidently, this once homeless woman had no intention of finding work and preferred to live from the handouts of others. She insisted that she was in full time ministry and that God wanted her to live in faith. I wish I could tell you that these were isolated cases but they were not. Unfortunately, I could write of dozens more.
Of course the people who worked for the ministry were barely better off than those who would not work. Joyner was proud of telling people that he did not pay his workers enough to live. Most of the workers received minimum wage. They were told they needed to suffer for the ministry, sacrifice and trust God. They exploited their workers and treated them poorly. They also exploited the students who did everything from moving them to painting their personal houses, convincing them they were ministering unto the Lord.
Many of the students spent a great deal of time downtown in what is now known as the NoDa Arts District in Charlotte. Although it has been cleaned up considerably and is now an expensive and trendy place to live, it was far from desirable in the late 90’s. A few alternative type galleries had store space among the old abandoned and decaying buildings, simply because rent was cheap. On Friday evenings these small galleries would hold “Art Crawls” for those brave enough to visit the area after dark. Gunshots were common. Someone had started a Coffeehouse in one of the old corner buildings and it quickly became the favored hang-out among the students and 30-something crowd from MorningStar. It was common to see the young people from the church drinking, smoking and groping one another on North Davidson Street. However, to say all behaved this way would be grossly unfair. There were some who truly loved God and wanted to please Him. They never lasted though. MorningStar’s door seems to be a giant churning, turn-style. The broken, empty and disillusioned leaving on one side, and the bright-eyed, initiates coming in the other.
Interestingly enough, the wife of one of the worship leaders worked down there. She was an attractive and unique young lady, whom Rick had called out on many occasions as being a gifted prophet. It was evident that she had most certainly won the favor of the ministry. Her husband was gifted and I have always believed his music sprung from true relationship with God. When a dispute over promised music royalties ensued, and this young man’s wife took a stand, Rick publically disgraced her. He called her out publically, labeled her a witch, and forbid anyone from the ministry to fellowship with her in any fashion. This included frequenting the coffee house. Oddly enough, she was the darling of the ministry while she was compliant, and was not called a witch until after a disagreement with Rick. Exposing as witches, those who were non-compliant was not uncommon. It was usually the ones who had been praised and held up as an example before the congregation just a short while before. In my mind this made Joyner look foolish. He was the great and terrible Oz kicking at Toto so as not to reveal the man behind the curtain. Of course once the curtain is pulled back, what do you do with the revelation? Reality is bitter, especially when one wants so desperately to believe. Do you pretend you haven’t seen? I did.
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